"You do not faint, You won't grow weary"

So I just got home from Nefyn A camp. It was an amazing week in so many ways. To start I nearly didnt even go. If I am honest, I hated A camp last year. There could be many reasons for that including that in myself I was feeling very lost at the time (I had left my gap year placement in Sheffield the week before and gone straight to keswick and then straight to camp so hadn't even been home or had chance to deal with leaving that part of my life behind), which made it very hard for me to settle into the team and the work there and left me coming away quite disheartened and empty. So when it came to filling in an application form for this year I was torn. I had a job lined up which meant because of time off etc A camp was the only one I could actually do, rather than any of the younger camps later in the summer. I do love Nefyn and love being involved in camp, but was worried that if I was going because it was the only camp I could do my motives would be purely selfish and it wouldn't be the right reasons to go. In the end after a conversation with a friend I decided to go for it and see what God would do. And I'm so glad I did!
Since just before I left uni in June I have been struggling with the spiritual side of life. I couldn't tell you what caused it, or why it happened but I kind of started drifting a little bit and then when I came home things got worse. I was still going to church, but only because the rest of my family was and I just wasn't really getting anything out of it (mostly because I wasn't putting anything into it!). It didn't help that my home church just doesn't feel like home anymore, not that it is a bad church or anything and there are so many people there who I know care about me and have been praying for me on my gap year and while I've been at uni, but I am not really a part of the youth group anymore and the fellowship side of it just isn't the same. So anyway....about a week before camp I started to think seriously about what was going on and the sunday before I went over to sheffield to visit the youth service at the church where I did my gap year. The service was really good and Ruth (who helped out alot with the youth stuff alongside me and Dave) did the talk. I actually can't remember what she talked about now but it inspired me to get going and do something about where I had ended up. So over the week I tried to read the bible more and get into a routine of doing it before work (which I will be continuing to work on now I am home) and prepared myself for camp.
Camp this year was sooo much better than last year. The team gelled really well and I felt so at home there (I really didn't want to leave by the end!) I really feel that God was there and that He sent me there just to bring me back to Him. One of the songs we sang a fair bit in the meetings was Chris Tomlins "Everlasting God", which has the line "You do not faint, You won't grow weary" and I think this week has been such a reminder of that. No matter how much I mess up or how much I stray and just ignore God, He is still there walking beside me, pulling me back or waiting for me or even carrying me when I need it the most. He has shown this to me this week in the work of the team despite many things that Satan threw at us, in all the hugs and support that we gave each other, in all the prayers that we all said and that we know others from home were saying for us, and also in the lives of the campers. I have heard this week abotu situations that I would never have believed, and that just made me sooo sad at the state of the world, but then after one particularly bad day God gave us a really clear night and I stood staring at the stars with another leader and was just reminded that no matter how bad the world gets, God is still there holding it in his hands and waiting to be able to rebuild it and restore it to the beauty it was meant to be.

I think this is possibly the longest I have gone without writing on here......
well this summer has probably been the busiest I've had! It actually feels like years since I left Sheffield already....I went straight from sheffield to the Keswick convention (which was an interesting experience) and then straight from their to Nefyn A camp. Camp was good, it was strange doing the older camp having only ever done the 11-13's, there was alot more free time and it was alot more chilled out. It was a great week weather wise as well which was a bonus (apart from the fact that I had bought wellies in keswick cos the weather there had been horrible lol, but I think I can get over that!).
After camp I had a couple of weeks at home, unpacking and sorting things out post sheffield. then I moved into my sis's room for a few days as we had a couple of ppl stayin over to help with our churches holiday club. Holiday club was great. loads of kids came and heard the gospel and had a fantastic time. I found it kinda hard, I think after doing a year in sheffield then having a few weeks off I hadnt quite recovered and just found myself struggling to lead the small group - didnt help that I was ill on the thursday either!
Straight after holday club I left for Nefyn E camp. I loved it! The girls in my tent were awesome (and VERY good at tent inspection - well done girls!!). I enjoyed the younger camps more than A camp because I like to be kept busy and feel like I am doing something, so having less free time is a bonus lol- yeah im weird.
I got back from camp on the sat and then left for edinburgh on the monday afternoon after a quick change around of laundry (not easy with a broken washing machine!!). Stayed in Scotland for a night with a friend from careforce and then the 2 of us went to gran canaria for a week. It was a nice hot week, I enjoyed sitting in the sun and just chilling out and not thinking about anything or rushing anywhere.
Now I am home again and straight back into things. Tomorrow I am off to Sheffield again for a night to visit people before I go off to Cardiff on the 21st.
Anyway yeah, thats my summer pretty much over the rest is gonna be spent mostly shopping and packing.......:D:D:D

last week

Wow! the last week is finally here. How wierd is that?! I did my last plan B last night and it all went alot better than I thought it would. the first service I have completely planned, lead and spoken at myself. I was terrified! In the end I didnt "preach", I used a 'Nooma' DVD and did a bit of testemony about how I ended up being in Lodge moor for a year, which linked in with the message of the DVD. (Nooma are DVD's by a guy called rob bell, they are like mini sermons presented in a slightly different way and I personally find them quite refreshing and inspiring).

I had my last staff meeting this morning as well and this afternoon will be my last time in school. My last session with Mr Todd - what a legend! lol! I might have to get a copy of "a little less conversation" just to remind me of tidy up time hehe.

This week is kind of a wierd week. We did 2 weeks worth of kids club planning last week because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to make the powerpoints and things we need so now I don't have any planning to do which means I have ALOT more free time. I also dont have my laptp anymore so cant just sit and mess around on the internet when I get bored (its a hard life!). I have offered to help the nursery out though because one of their staff has just gone off ill so that fills one day - woo! So yeah I may be back here a few times if I get bored.......

ok so I actually have nothing I can do right at this moment and I haven't written here for a while so there we go. I have no idea what I'm gonna write about but never mind lol. Today is kind of a crazy day really, I have to make some plans for the youth service on sunday, then I have kids club and then unity. While all that is going on it is the day of the interviews for the new youth worker so they will be coming to kids club and unity to see what goes on AND Dave is coming back to help at unity tonight. Then after unity we are going to the pub :D
As well as ALL that, it is my birthday today, so there is the added possiblility that I will get cream pied or shaving foamed at kids club, but ah well life goes on hehe - hopfully it wont happen cos i dont think ill have time to get changed after lol.
Well I now have 9 days left of sheffield. It's very strange packing all my things up. I gave back my kids church t-shirt this morning as i did my last kids church on sunday :( I have also now done my last bible study. I am really looking forward to this summer though, hopefully it won't rain the whole time! Anyway I'm gonna go now because I now have the things I need to help me plan the youth service :)

"I like your top.......Now can I have a free drink?"

That has to be one of my quotes of the night from Unity yesterday (there were far too many to choose an overall winner!). It was insane! Behaviour was even worse than last week and the leaders just seemed to be following kids around making sure they didn't kill each other or themselves - I really don't understand how they actually enjoy themselves doing some of the things they do! It didn't help that I'd had a fairly stressful day already, and so my patience was running low by the time it got to 7:30.
My day started with trying to find extra leaders for Unity because we were 1 short (actually in the end we would have been 2 short) and I didn't know we would actually have anough until 7:30 that evening.
Then I had to try and write my talk for Unity, which was not easy! I knew I had to give a bit of a lecture about the behaviour, but then to try and follow that with a Bible talk just would have seemed very strange so the only way to do it really was to incorporate it. It also didn't help that I was dreading it so much I had to force myself to write it and not just wuss out of doing a talk altogether.
Going to school to do IT for 2 hours was really my refuge for the day, because while I was there I couldn't do anything else and so there was no use in worrying about not having enough leaders or having to do the talk etc which was great!
Then came kids club and I ended up setting half of it up on my own because those that help me had exams so were a bit later than normal. Then the CD wasn't working properly, the mic's broke half way through and at one stage the computer crashed or something in the middle of a song so we lost the words.
After that I had to set up Unity on my own because the only people that were there to help me were the young leaders from kids club and since I was the only over 18 in the building I ended up saying thanks but no thanks.
Then of course we had Unity. I think part of the problem really was the weather. It has been raining for 2 days straight so they obviously had alot of energy to run off! We had to lock the upper roon because some kids decided to start a "mosh pit" in there and threw cans of coke around spilling it all over the carpet. The final straw for me was when a group of boys locked themselves in the "den" (a small room just above the hall) after throwing some bags that the girls had left in there down the stairs. Unfortunately for them I have a key to that room and there was no other way out so they couldn't run away from me - clever! Here's another quote of the night for you - "we didn't lock the door"??!!!!! That's not the worst of it - once I'd opened the door all the girls walked in and started mouthin off at the boys so I got the boys outside and was talking to them, but I couldn't even finish a sentence without one of them talking over me or one of the girls coming out and shouting at them (even after I'd told them 3 times to go in the room and leave me to talk to the boys). And this is only a small part of everything that went on last night. But yeah after the incident in the den I got fed up and called everyone into the hall for the talk. I have to say I think it is one of the very few talks where they were all completely silent all the way through! It is slightly disturbing when that happens lol. I pointed out to them the fact that a few of the leaders have told me they don't want to continue if behaviour doesn't improve and also reminded them of our rule that if we find too much rubbish at the end of a night we close the tuck shop, added in the gospel at some point. And this was the strangest thing of the whole night - they clapped after I finished pretty much just telling them all off, whats that about?! Things did improve a bit after the talk - one of the guys who helps at kids club and is actually well behaved at Unity told me I'd even scared him lol. We only had to ban 1 person (that was a phone call I thought I'd NEVER have to make!) and after an interesting conversation with some boys (the ones who locked themselves in the den) about the tuck shop closing rule they said "can we go and pick up the rubbish?" (another quote of the night!) - can you?? erm....let me think about that for a min.......erm......YES! lol
I am so grateful to all the leaders who come to help out every week, they are a great help and are fantastic for sticking with it even when things get as crazy as they did last night.

6 weeks left......

So that was my first week without dave. It all went alright really I guess. no better or worse than I would have expected. I managed to not forget to do anything, which is always good. I think I found it quite hard because the majority of my week is spent preparing for friday night it meant I was getting more and more nervous about it. it also seems to have had an after effect, because I was working towards friday today I really seem to have crashed and have motivation to plan bible study for later, which is not good. I will get it done though - don't worry.
The one thing I was most worried about being in charge of was Unity because alot of the kids there are just so badly behaved and I am now in charge of all the discipline, which to be honest I'm not that great at. I don't like shouting and getting cross, but on friday night I really didnt feel like I did alot else. We want the kids to have fun, that's the whole point (well that and telling em the gospel!), but it would be nice if they could have fun without trashing nurserie's toys and their new vegetable patch. It really gets to me when you tell the kids not to do something and yet they just carry on doing it right in front of your face. That and the fact that they then come crying to you when they get hurt. But then I got to thinking, isn't that just what we do to God? I cna complain all I like at the kids doing it to me, and half the kids I don't even know their names! But God made us and knows exactly what we need and what is bad for us, and gives us guidance so that we can enjoy life without putting ourselves in danger, and yet we laugh in His face and do the things we shouldn't anyway and how many of us have sat down when something's gone wrong and said "why God?". As sad as it makes me at unity, how much more sad must it make God? For me, I could just get angry and ban the kids that do it, and God quite rightly could do the same to us and yet He didn't. He gave Jesus to die for our sins, to pay for all the times we have messed up so that we don't have to be "banned" from heaven - so that we can "have life and have it to the full" (john 10:10). As much as I was stood there on friday night thinking "I can't do this, maybe I could just close unity for the next 6 weeks", I have now realised that it is purely because I can't do it that I have to. That may not make much sense, but what I mean is that it is because of the fact that I am such a sinner myself and that I find it hard to be patient with the kids and forgive them that I need forgiveness. And it is knowing that I am forgiven and that God will forgive them that is going to keep me going, keep me following the example of Jesus and not being like the unforgiving servant. Yes it is hard and very disheartening sometimes, but to have to joy of knowing that one day all the talks these kids have heard at unity might actually make sense to them is enough to keep me going as much as it was enough to make God sacrifice His son.
Sorry I kinda rambled alot there, but there you go thats what is on my heart at the moment. Please pray for unity and all the kids that come along.

find out for yourself....

Hi again!

Thanks for all the encouraging responses to my prayer letter, it has really helped me to keep going and not to give up :)

I can't believe this half term is nearly over all ready. It's kinda of strange, because we are going on the weekend away there is no kids club or unity next friday which means in terms of planning and things like that I kinda finish a week early. I don't really know what we are doing on the weekend away, to be honest I haven't really thought about it since originally I wasn't supposed to be going I don't really know if I'm going to be involved in planning or if dave is going to do it himself. So anyway, yeah, this week is really my last "normal" week working with Dave, which is a very strange thought. 2 weeks on sunday I will be on my own. I am feeling a bit more confident about it than last time I posted (although that is mainly because I have decided to ignore a few sarcastic comments that have been thrown around). I am looking forward to half term though, it will be good to have a short break before I take over so I can come back rested and ready to get on with it.

It's quite strange I was asked to do a talk on "my year with careforce" at monday meeting point today and as part of it I decided to give my testemony because most of the people there don't really know me. It got me thinking about the verse I learnt on a campaigner camp years ago (I think I was 4 or 5 - not really sure lol). The verse is Psalm 34:8 -

"Find out for yourself how good the Lord is, happy are those who find safety with Him"

It amazes me that all my life I have been finding out "how good the Lord is" in many different ways and just made me realise how much I have seen of Him this year, some things I had never seen before and some things that He has had to remind me. It is fantastic to think that God is soo huge that chances are I will never stop "finding out" how good He is (at least not in this life) and that thought just made me smile.
The other verse that came up was Zepheniah 3:17 -

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing"

This verse was given to me by a friend when I was struggling over what I was going to do this year/for the rest of my life and has also been given to me by various other people on various occasions this year. It is soo good to know that whether things are going well or whether things are absolutely pants God is with me and He is MIGHTY - He is not just sympathetic or there to comfort but he is there to save. No matter what happens or where I end up in my life I can know I am safe and I am happy (or blessed as the NIV puts it :)) because I have found my safety with Him and not with anything else.

"monster!"

This last week has been kinda random really. The problem with the week after holidays is it always seems very slow because some things havent started yet or whatever. So yeah, on that note, Unity started again on friday after not meeting for a month. It was very wierd doing both unity and kids club without Ruth for the first time and kinda made me realise that we are definately gonna need some more leaders once dave has gone or it will just me Nick and I :S. Anyway, we had another youth group come to visit with a theatre group from texas. It was really good they did a drama and a couple of them gave testemonies and then there was a bit of a prayer sesh. The last part kinda scared some of the kids a bit as they aren't really church kids so it was a bit strange to them, but apart from that they seemed to enjoy it. The best moment of the evening was when the americans discovered the tuck shop - I honestly think none of them had seen one before and they were more excited than the kids "Please can I have... one of those, one of these.....erm.....what are these?....go on I'll try a couple of those...." hehe!
Yesterday was the ACM after the morning service and since I can't vote anyway I took s couple of the kids down to the park so their parents could go. We played "monster" (some random tig type game the kids invented) and yes, you guessed it, I was the monster lol. It was actually good fun, but I am ever so slightly stiff today from all that running around and pushing them on roundabouts etc.
Sunday evening I lead bible study and we have started a new series on James. It was hard work. Everyone just seemed to be giggling which made leading very difficult and I came very close to giving up at one point, but never mind we got through it. but yeah I dunno, I know it was a one off and everythin and I don't mind people having a laugh and everything but it really shook my confidence at being able to run things once Dave has gone....we'll see what happens I suppose.

I've been walking again today. It was great to get out and enjoy the fresh air and warm weather. It did seem very strange that it felt warm enough to be early summer and yet most of the trees still don't have any leaves. Ah well lol, life goes on. The only problem I have found with going walking around here is that until you start to head back home you forget that you live, quite literally, on top of a ridge - ie the last stretch is ALWAYS uphill! It was hard work, but it was well and truely worth it for the nice peaceful walk that lead up to it lol.














Anyway, on a different note, I am kinda torn at the moment over 2 things. Firstly, there is a youth weekend away a the end of this half term as a kinda goodbye to Dave and I'm not sure whether to go or not. You see, originally I wasn't going because there are only 12 spaces and I'm not needed to make up the right number of adults, but now there may be a space left for me anyway (it is still uncertain but it is quite likely) and I can't decide whether to go, or to go home a few days early....

The second thing I need to make a decision about is holiday club. It turns out that the holiday club at home and the one in sheffield have fallen on the same dates. So now I need to decide which one to help with...I don't know! If anyone has any wisdom that might help me make either of these choices, it would be gladly recieved!

Just thought I'd show you where I seem to have spent alot of time over the last term.

So here we are at the beginning of my last term at St Lukes (that sounds kinda scary!). The easter holiday was a really good chance to relax and pull myself back together after last term. I don't think I actually stayed in one place for more than a couple of weeks last term, that coupled with ALOT going on and ALOT to think about meant that I was struggling both emotionally and spiritually. I'm putting it mostly down to lack of routine due to all the coming and going between here home cardiff and chester (and I don't mean that as an excuse for not keeping myself going with God very well - it is a challenge that I didn't do very well at). It is my new terms resolution to get back on track with reading my bible regularly and just generally spending time with God (feel free to ask me how I'm doing with it anytime and I hope I'll have a positive answer!), with everything that happened last term and everything that will happen this term I know I really need to trust God and really follow Him closer than ever because without Him I wouldn't be here and without Him I will never get through this term.

So yeah, I guess I need to explain a few things for half of that to make sense and also apologise for not writing for a while, but things have been rather crazy and some things I would have liked to write about I couldn't for various reasons. Anyway it has now been announced to the church so here it is for you: Dave (the youthworker I work with) is leaving St Lukes on June 3rd to go and work at a church in Leeds. This is going to make huge changes in the youth work at St Lukes. Unless a new youthworker is found over the next month I will be taking charge until July and may also help out planning the holiday club in summer. If I am honest I am excited about it, it is a really good oppertunity and God has really given me compassion for the kids here. I think at the moment I just need the patience to keep working with Dave, even though over the last half term it has been quite hard with him having to do interview prep and alsorts of other things. The other challenge now is that Ruth (who has so far been working through her gap year to fund a trip to Mexico) is flying off this Friday. She has really been a lifeline to me and is also a great help in all the youth and childrens work. She will be greatly missed by me and all the others, although I am certain she will have a fantastic time and will come back with all sorts of things to teach us. OK it kinda sounds like she has died lol didn't mean it to! I just mean to say that we have pretty much been partners in crime with respect to most of our work at St Lukes and I'm hoping I will be able to manage while she is away. I'm gonna have to stop there cos it is lunch time now lol, I may write again very soon. let me know how you all are!